Characters:

Monsieur Louis – Judge

Monsieur Jacques – Accuser

Pauline – A handmaiden who is accused of theft

Courtroom scribe

Setting: Courtroom in a Parisian Court of Law

Time: 1752

Act I:

The courtroom in a Parisian Court of Law, 1752.

It is a very large and lavishly decorated courtroom which bore all signs of being well-cared for. The judge is seated on a high platform where his chair was not quite unlike a throne. No sound was in the courtroom except those caused by a scribe’s frantic scribbles on a roll of parchment. The judge appears to be quite in a temper as he glares at the scribe’s tiny, stooping figure.

The curtain rises to reveal the courtroom.

Monsieur Louis [highly perturbed]: Oi! You, there!

Scribe [knocking over his bottle of ink]: Yes, sir?

Monsieur Louis: What do you think you are doing scribbling away at a piece of parchment! Do you not know how much ink costs have risen?!

Scribe [resigned]: I beg your pardon Monsieur. When I was so blessed as to come under your servitude, you informed me that I am to buy the ink and the parchment for all court cases.

Monsieur Louis: Why of course I did, boy! Do you expect me to pay for such nonsense?!

Scribe [mopping the ink stain on the parchment]: Of course not, my lord. I beg your pardon.

Monsieur Louis [muttering to himself]: The tiresome tasks one must perform! It is a pity that men of high statures have no choice but to remain in dingy courtrooms, carrying out orders that are really quite unnecessary! Oh, had I not sold my grand Edinburgh estate to that fool of an earl, where would I be now! O’ the misery, the agony, the pain of it all!

Monsieur Jacques and Pauline enter the courtroom. Monsieur Jacques appears to be quite calm, moving at an almost leisurely pace. Pauline, on the other hand, appears to be in a state of much excitement.

Monsieur Louis [rising from his seat to greet Monsieur Jacques]: Jacques, my friend! Just the man I wished to meet! How are you faring in my Edinburgh estate?

Monsieur Jacques [bowing slightly to the judge]: I am pleased to make your acquaintance, sir! Quite pleased indeed! Ah, I thank you for your thoughtful question. I am, in fact, faring quite wonderfully in my Edinburgh estate. It is truly a unique piece of architecture, with all its flowing balconies. Very unlike those we have in France, you know! I trust you remember the balconies well, Monsieur?

Monsieur Louis [frostily]: On the contrary Monsieur! You see, I have reached a point where my estates are so numerous and so scattered all over Europe, that I truly cannot remember the details of my previous diminutive acquisitions! [He chuckles]

Monsieur Jacques [with a sneer]: Of course, of course. Well, I come here this day because my wife’s handmaiden has stolen a solid gold amulet of her mistress. I wish her to be imprisoned.

Pauline [hysterically sobbing; addressing Monsieur Louis]: My lord! Good lord, I beseech you! I have done nothing of the sort! Mistress merely ordered me to shine her amulet. As I entered my room to search for the iodine, Monsieur Jacques found me holding the amulet and he accused me of theft! I beg you sir! I am a mother of four children!

Monsieur Jacques [addressing Pauline]: How dare you speak such of your master, you imbecile! I shall not settle for such irrevocable behavior!

Scribe [meekly addressing Monsieur Jacques]: Sir, sir. Please do not be so hard on her, sir.

Monsieur Jacques [addressing the scribe]: You dare-

Monsieur Louis [banging his gavel, quite unnecessarily]: Order in the court! Order!

Monsieur Louis [addressing Monsieur Jacques]: Are there witnesses besides yourself, sir?

Monsieur Jacques [angrily]: I beg your pardon? Besides myself? Am I not sufficient, Monsieur?!

Monsieur Louis [addressing Monsieur Jacques]: My apologies, sir. Court procedures, you know. In that case, the accused is decided guilty, and shall be hanged on the morrow!

With that grand statement, Monsieur Louis puffs out his chest and looks about so very contemptuously as if daring someone to contradict his immaculate logic. The scribe leads a hysterical Pauline out of the room. Monsieur Jacques and Monsieur Louis are left alone in the courtroom.

Monsieur Jacques [handing Monsieur Louis a gold amulet]: I beg you accept this small offering, Monsieur.

Monsieur Louis: Oh, please accept my deepest gratitude, sir. It was my pleasure to entertain you tonight. If I may ask, is it eighteen or twenty-four carat gold?

Monsieur Jacques [straightening the lapels of his overcoat]: Neither. It is a fake, Monsieur. It was meant to serve the purpose, and did it not?

Monsieur Louis [leading Monsieur Jacques to the courtroom door]: Why, it did, my dear Monsieur! It most certainly did!